


Jetta's Birthday Surprise

by DrSlothenstein



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-08 09:22:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7752073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrSlothenstein/pseuds/DrSlothenstein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Happy Birthday! Hope you enjoy the story!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jetta's Birthday Surprise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jedi_elizabeth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedi_elizabeth/gifts).



This was a bad idea. She knew this was probably the worse idea. Any idea would have been better. It was 10:27 PM and damn was it cold. The wind was howling down the alleyway and all three of them had forgotten to bring coats. Soon they’d be inside where it was nice and warm, though. 

“Remind me why  _ you’re _ going?” Jetta asked Slothy.

“Umm, because I’m a karaoke God and everyone should be blessed with the sound of my voice?” he responded, as if it had been the most obvious answer. Rissa just rolled her eyes and kept walking. They were on a mission, after all; to infiltrate the strip club known as Itty Bitty Titties. The plan was for Jetta and Slothy to wait behind the club while Rissa entered through the front. She was the only one who was  _ legally _ allowed to enter, but rules were meant to be broken. Once inside, Rissa would unlock and open the window for the other two. Then, the party would begin. 

“Are you done having your inner monologue? You were just staring at the wall for a solid couple of minutes,” Jetta asked, poking Slothy’s glasses, “we have to get in position.” He nodded and followed her out to the back of the building. Meanwhile, Rissa had successfully gotten into the club and started making her way over to the bathrooms where the window was located. Halfway to her target, she was stopped by a near-naked woman wearing Pepe-panties. 

“Hey there sweetie, can I get you something to drink?”

“Not now, thank you,” Rissa dismissed. Before the memely clad woman could speak, she was off again, heading towards the bathroom. Pushing the door open, she made sure to wait until the last person had exited. Quietly, she tip-toed over to the window, humming the mission impossible theme. As she slid the window open, it got stuck halfway up.

“Hey, open it!” Jetta whisper-yelled

“I can’t it’s stuck!”

Jetta thought for a moment before she came up with a master plan.

“Slothy, you might want to take off your glasses,” she told the Karaoke King

“I’d love to if they weren’t attached to my face,” Slothy exclaimed, tugging on them for added effect. She shrugged, picked him up, and slammed his head up at the window multiple times. Ignoring the yells of slight discomfort, she managed to unstick the window, essentially breaking it off. She let go of the smol one and allowed him time to fix his hair before all three of them scooby dooed their way in. Emerging from the bathroom, Rissa had the idea for them to rent a large private party room. And so they set out on their mystical quest to find the owner of this fine establishment. Far and wide the looked! Over boobs and bras, thongs and dollars! Behind cans of mountain dew and under doritos, before learning of his location from a tavern wench they passed by. She gave them a cryptic riddle and what looked like a 50 year old McDonald’s menu. They came prepared, though. With Jetta’s superior knowledge, they solved the riddle and deciphered the ‘map’, finding the own of the club in a trash can facing the stripper poles. Jetta knocked the secret password onto the lid and out popped the owner. He had on what looked like the cheapest suit he could find, a tattered fedora, and a sentient neckbeard. 

“What is it you want! Speak, inferior mortals!”

“We’d like to rent a private party room,” Rissa spoke up.

“Hmm… that will cost you. Do you have any spicy, dank memes?” 

Slothy was prepared for this encounter. He pulled out his phone faster than a quick draw artist and logged on to Tumblr. He dramatically shoved the screen into the owner’s face, “If a sloth wore pants, would he wear them like this or like this!”

“Amusing! You shall have your party room!” And with that, he disappeared in a vape of smoke. As they breathed in the smoke, the three legendary meme masters were transported into a large room with a stripper pole, a karaoke machine, multiple flat screen TVs, and a minibar. 

“Hell yeah!” Slothy screamed as he ran full speed towards the karaoke machine. He immediately picked All Star by Smash Mouth. The party had gone on for nearly an hour before Rissa had a brilliant idea.

“Slothy, do SexyBack!” she yelled. He nodded and found it on the machine. As soon as it started, Rissa jumped up onto the stripper pole and danced like she had been practicing all her life. Incredible twists and flips paired with the song had everyone amazed. As the song faded, Rissa backflipped off of the stage and did three small claps.

“One more surprise, Jetta.” Four memely clad strippers wheeled out a giant cake as tall as Jetta. “Happy Birthday!” Everyone yelled. Knowing this was the cue, the bartender ripped off his fancy clothes, revealing his casual DJ wear. He pressed the big blue button under the bar and everything flipped around, transforming it into a DJ booth. He immediately turned everything up to 11 and shook the ground with his phat beats. He built up the songs with the dankest, freshest memes and right before the drop, he yelled, “OH SHIT WHADDUP!” Dat Boi exploded out of the top of the huge cake, sending cake flying across the room. Rissa scream-laughed, happy that her plan had worked, Slothy sang along to the DJ’s song, and for as much as Jetta looked like she was done with all this shit, they knew she was having a great time.

Happy Birthday, Jetta!


End file.
